Rafina Port

Crohns disease. The most powerful, most rigid creature of habit I have ever met. The threat of ritual change is daunting every time. She [it feels like a she] and her anger, her vindictiveness are threatening, looming and imminent. On dracary command a menacing fire of pain, spewing, manic and out of control.

A woman angry of her fate, of her invisibility lashing out. Self attacking self. What happened and you hate me so much? What did I do to you? You didnt see me when i needed you, you became the parentified daughter instead.

I didnt know you needed me. I was needed elsewhere. I had priorities.

A much longed for trip with the closest people to me and what I state as my best achievement in life. My friends.

She woke up, she didnt like the flight, our dinner or my early morning joy and tried and tried and tried to curl me up. My entire being was spinning. Any slight movement in the taxi ride left me hanging on a cliff ready to purge all my insides but I had to win I just had to.

This time I knew I would, in silence. Just like her where in silence she debilitates and in silence she triumphs.

I took her spewing fire of pain, bloating, her gust of nausea and made it my power. I allowed the sunrise and the dream of our destination to give me strength. I allowed the love around me to seep into my pores. I laughed, I posed, I dreamt for the better days to come, together with her, in embrace.

Living with the invisible she, hoping to hold her hand.

The girls. Always.